| Location | Fairfield, California |
| Age | 0 |
| Date of Birth | 8/1995 |
| Date of Death | 8/1995 |
| Visitors | 1,364 since 20/04/2008 |
| Creator |
Joshua Titus Carkin arrived on August 26, 1995 at only 19wks into the pregnancy. He had something called Achondrogenisis. This is a very rare genetic disorder in where the baby does not form the bones during the ossification process. It is a kind of rare fatal dwarfism as best as I can describe it. This was our third baby and we were so happy when we found out we were going to have another baby. We already had a boy and a girl. This loss was so devistating for us. We got to hold him and that was the happy and saddest day of our lives. We know he is in Heaven but I wished we could have seen him grow up. He is also joined by two other babies we lost. We have no idea if they were boys or girls. One went to Heaven in 2006 and one went to Heaven in 2007. Our only consolation is that they are all in Heaven with Jesus and they are protected from all harm and will never know the hatred and sins of this world. One day we know that we will be up there and reunited with our babies. We have 6 other kids who survive(Gary jr, Sandra, Zachary, Christelyn, Steven and Laciemarie). Somehow our family has survived through these losses but the children we lost will never be forgotten. We now live in Idaho and every Christmas light candles in rememberance of the babies we lost.
Thank you
Thank you all for leaving such sweet and loving messages and lighting candles. It really helps to have somewhere to go and remember no matter how painful it is sometimes. I love you all...Thank you for loving our sweet and precious baby angel Joshua. It means so much to me that you came to visit..:)This is the one place I can come and no one judges...
Pain a mommy and daddy should never have to endure
Baby Joshua,,,It still hurts so much to remember...I love you and miss you and still wish you were here with me. Sometimes I am really sad when I think about you being taken away from us. I just dont understand. Tears still stream down my face and the pain is still so much there in my heart. Why God took you and why He still takes little babies from their mommys and daddys Ill never understand. Especially when there are so many bad people in the world He could take instead. I feel robbed and have an empty space somewhere that you should of been there to fill. I carried you under my heart for 19wks but I will carry in my heart forever...I love you Joshua...:( Its hard to be happy that you are in Heaven when all I can think about is wanting you here with me...
Just a note...
I am so sorry for your losses, I don't know what to say, but I am here for you....
Thank you for being my friend on CafeMom, and I hope we get to be even better friends.... We each have beautiful angels watching over us... Though we would each give anything to keep them here, they are waiting for us and will have the biggest hugs waiting for us... Until we meet our angels, we will have the best little guardian angels....
Much love to our angels....
_
(o/)
/_
Tiffaney and my dear ^Angel Baby^
angelmama081007 on cafemom.com
These Ugly Shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are to me might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have walked in the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger women.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
\
The Mask
I feel as if I am buried alive
Yet I smile, and respond
'Fine, thank you.'
I have been appropriately conditioned
No one wants to hear the painful t r u t h.
An essential part of me, my limb
A constituent of my earthly being
Has been violently amputated.
Yet I laugh at the mediocre conversations
A verbal splash in a shallow puddle
Pretending to be a player of the words
That have no m e a n i n g.
My heart has been ripped from my bosom
No benevolence granted
No explanation -No apologies
Only cataclysmic p a i n
Only agony
No anesthesia remains, just the bitter pain.
Yet I wear the m a s k
Day to Day.
Pretending I fit in
But really I'm a foreigner here
They speak an alien language
I attempt to translate the words
Still, they mean nothing to me.
Sequestered in the mask
They hear not the music I dance to
Nor the words I speak
Nor the pain I echo
Nor the native language of my e y e s
They will never really know me,
It's only a mask
thinking of our little angel baby
Today Iam thinking of you and remembering your sweet smell as I held you in my hand and held you close til the end, when it was time to let you go My only consolation was no pain you would ever know. I love you Joshua and eventhough it's been so long it seems like only yesterday when I held you and gave you a goodbye kiss to go to Heaven. That was one of the saddest days of my life. I can only ask Jesus to give you the hugs and kisses until I see you again someday when it's my turn to go to Heaven. Until then I will always carry in my heart as I did when I carried you under my heart when I was pregnant with you. x0x0x0x0x0x0x0 :(
tears of missing our baby
I still cry the same amount of tears and with the same intensity as I did the day you went away. It sure doesnt seem any easier remembering you now than it did then. I miss you still the same. I always will..You were wanted and you were loved. I will never understand why u had to go...missing you..
Ask My Mum How She Is
================
My Mum she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before,
But from now until she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mum how she is,
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie,
Because she can't describe the pain.
Ask my Mum How she is,
She'll say 'I'm alright'
If that's the truth, then tell me,
Why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mum how she is,
She seems to cope so well,
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mum how she is,
'I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping'
For God's sake Mum, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.
She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine,
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.
I am here in Heaven,
I cannot hug from here,
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold,
I'll say 'You're lucky to get in here, Mum,
With all the lies you told!'
it gets easier
i went through a simimlar thing six weeks ago me and my partner lost our baby at 19 wks and 5 days and it still hurts like crazy all the best x x x
im so sorry about your loss, i have also lost 2 babys 1 wen i was 14 weeks gone n the 2nd wen i was 36 weeks gone and believe me it will get easier in time i no u will never 4get but they will always be wiv u where ever u go x x x
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